My 4C Hair Journey: Learning to Love the Hair I Was Given
If you've ever struggled to love something about yourself because it looked different from everyone else around you, I understand.
For a long time, my hair was one of those things.
Ironically, I started life with a full head of natural hair. According to my family, it was thick, healthy, and beautiful. But as a child, I didn't always see it that way.
Growing up in a school environment where most of my classmates were Caucasian, I became very aware of how different my hair looked from theirs.
While they wore their hair straight, mine was tightly coiled. While their hair seemed easy to manage, mine often took time, patience, and care.
Unfortunately, children can be unkind without realizing the impact of their words. I was teased about my hair, and over time, I began to believe that something was wrong with it.
In fact, early one morning at school, one of the Caucasian children came up to me saying "Your hair is ugly!"
So, there was no room for me to 'overthink' it.
By the age of seven, I was begging my mother to relax my hair. To be fair to her, she was also trying to manage a thick head of hair that sometimes took a long time to comb, and neither of us enjoyed the tears that occasionally came with wash day. She also used to try and make it more manageable in the weeks by hot combing my hair - don't get me started on those long nights; screams, tears, and frustration.
Relaxing my hair seemed like the simplest solution.
My mom conceded and we got it done. Want to know the funny thing?
The same girl that told me that my hair was ugly, came back to me after my hair was relaxed and said that she really loved my hair before, but that this version was nice, too.
Stunned, to say the least - but also - my first lesson in the importance of not doing things to please others, perhaps?
And so, from around age seven until my early twenties, I wore my hair relaxed.
For years, I didn't question it.
Then life took an unexpected turn.
In my early twenties, I made the decision to cut off my hair. Not for me... but for someone I thought I was going to marry. I wanted to fit in with his desires and "the look" of those around him; which he said he desired, too.
Though he cheated and broke up with me before I cut it - somehow I wondered if my resistance to cutting it made me "not good enough" because this was the third boyfriend at this point to cheat on me. So, I must have been THE problem, right?
Looking back, it was definitely NOT for the right reasons. Once again the major art of that decision was influenced by a desire to fit into someone else's expectations and to be accepted by people who ultimately weren't meant to define my worth.
The relationship didn't last, but the haircut did - and surprisingly, so did my natural hair journey.
What began as a decision rooted in insecurity slowly became a journey of rediscovering myself.
Returning to My Roots
I've now been natural for over a decade, and it has been anything but a straight path.
I've had three big chops. I've experimented with different styles.
I've experienced moments of frustration, breakage, and setbacks.
I've also experienced growth, confidence, and freedom. I've felt empowered to explore and figure out what feels good for ME.
One of the biggest challenges throughout my natural hair journey has been length retention. Like many women with 4C hair, I sometimes felt as though my hair wasn't growing fast enough. In reality, it was growing. The challenge was keeping the length I gained.
Earlier this year, I made the decision to cut away a significant amount of damaged ends. It wasn't easy. There's always a temptation to hold on to length, even when that length isn't healthy. But I realized that healthy growth was more important than the appearance of growth.
Sometimes progress requires letting go.
That lesson didn't just apply to my hair.
It applied to my life too.
Learning to Embrace What Makes Me Different
If I had to identify the biggest shift in my journey, it wasn't a product, technique, or hairstyle.
It was acceptance.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped wishing my hair behaved differently.
I stopped comparing it to other textures.
I stopped viewing it as a problem that needed to be fixed.
Instead, I began appreciating it for what it was.
My hair is versatile.
It can be styled in countless ways.
It reflects a part of who I am.
And honestly, its uniqueness feels very aligned with my personality.
The more I embraced my hair, the more I learned to embrace myself.
That's something I wish I had understood much earlier in life.
What My Hair Is Teaching Me Today
These days, my routine is fairly simple.
I wash my hair regularly, usually at least once per week. I pay attention to buildup and try not to overload my hair with products unnecessarily. I also give my hair breaks from heavy gel use when needed.
One of the practices that has helped me most recently is wearing mini twists for a few weeks at a time, followed by a period where I wear my hair out before retwisting.
This rhythm has helped me improve length retention while also reducing dryness.
More importantly, it has taught me consistency.
And if there's one lesson my hair has taught me over the years, it's this:
You can't rush growth.
No amount of checking the mirror, measuring length, or comparing yourself to someone else's journey can speed up the process.
Growth takes time.
Growth requires care.
Growth requires patience.
Whether we're talking about hair, faith, business, relationships, or personal development, the principle remains the same.
Our job isn't to force growth.
Our job is to nurture what has been placed in our hands.
Looking back, I'm grateful for every stage of this journey—the childhood insecurity, the years of trying to fit in, the big chops, the setbacks, and the lessons.
Because somewhere along the way, my hair stopped being something I needed to change.
It became something I learned to appreciate.
And in many ways, learning to love my hair helped me learn to love myself too.
Thanks for spending a few moments with me.
My hope is that the stories, lessons, and experiences shared here encourage you to steward your message, your gifts, your business, and your temple well.
Growth takes time. Keep showing up, keep learning, and keep nurturing what God has placed in your hands.
With love,
Cee
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